
Fair Fighting Guidelines
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In a fair fight, there is no winner and no loser.
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The aim of a fair fight is a solution.
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Be specific when you bring up a complaint.
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Confine yourself to one issue at a time.
Otherwise, you may skip back and forth, evading the hard
ones.
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Do not allow counter demands to
enter the picture until the original demands are clearly
understood, and there have been clear-cut
responses to them.
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Always consider compromise.
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Another person’s viewpoint is just as real to them as yours is
to you, even though you may differ.
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Never believe that you know what another person is thinking
until you ask him/her in plain language.
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Do not assume or predict how another person will react, what
he/she will accept or reject.
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No sarcasm.
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Never put labels on a person while fighting.
i.e. calling a person a coward
or a child. If you
really believed he/she was so hopelessly flawed, you probably
would not be with him/her.
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Ask for and give feedback of the major points, to make sure you
are heard and to assure your partner that you understand what
he/she wants.
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Do not use past events as weapons.
Stay with the here and now.
Ask for change that can begin now.
Hurts, grievances and irritations should be addressed at
the earliest moment.
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Think! Take time to
check your real thoughts and feelings before you speak.
Don’t be afraid to close your eyes and think.
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Remember that there is never a single winner in a fair fight.
Both either win a better relationship, or both lose it.
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No name-calling.
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No physical violence.
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No hitting below the psychological belt. i.e. “You sound just
like your mother.”
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Ask for time-outs. If
there is a stalemate or emotions are getting too strong, ask for
a time-out. But every
time-out, must have a time-in – an
arranged time when the discussion resumes.
Some people need a little time to gather their thoughts.
Time-outs can be 10 minutes, 30 minutes or till the next
day.